This next piece is an honest one. It has to do with the struggles I have been dealing with over the past three months. As I try to stay positive throughout writing I still find myself frustrated at the topic at hand.
A couple months ago I found out I was pregnant.
I had never really thought of myself as ever being a mom and struggled with the idea of maybe becoming one someday. To my surprise I was super excited when that pee stick said positive.
My excitement didn’t last long.
I am only 12 weeks in and already I am overwhelmed and anxious. I assume most mothers become over joyed and immediately go into nesting mode. I on the other hand am in the “wish I could have a beer mode”, or the “I wish I could eat sushi mode”.
The fact is – the world is not making it easy on first time moms.
Let’s be serious. We don’t know what we’re doing, but we’re not stupid.
Something that bugs me the most is, I have had comments made to me about losing weight since I have been pregnant. Almost to the point of being made fun of because I’m not ballooning up. Well its hard to gain weight when all you do is barf everything up… the first couple weeks of my pregnancy I could only get half a bagels worth of food into me a day. Sometimes I couldn’t eat at all. Apparently thats totally normal! Some women in their first trimester lose a little weight because of morning sickness and nausea.
I have people giving me advice when I never asked for it. People think they get a say in how I should raise my kid. I actually was told by someone that I need to love them for the way God sees them not the way I see them. Ok… What gave you the impression that I wasn’t going to love my child?
Doctors tell you all the time what you can and can’t eat. After doing my own research I find that most of what the doctor recommends to you is just caution… Like eating fish. Don’t eat seafood or sushi. Ok well I did some research and there is lots of seafood you can eat. Most of it actually just as long as its cooked through. They only suggest not eating raw because there COULD be some slight chance it’s contaminated. You also have to watch out for the fish that have a high mercury content. But I don’t ever think I’ve even seen those fish other than Tuna in Canada. Giving up coffee. Actually you are allowed to have 200mg of caffeine a day. I always make sure before I drink something caffeinated to look it up to see how much caffeine I am intaking. If its over my limit I don’t drink it.
Always do research just to be safe.
The more advice I am given the more it makes me feel like people don’t trust me and that I’m going to make very bad decisions. It makes me feel like I’m not going to be a very good mother.
I understand that some people want to genuinely help, but all it does is shake the faith I have in myself. Being a new time mom is hard. We shouldn’t be making it even harder on each other.
People give you all this information you never asked for, and it makes you wonder what they really think of you.
In some of the books I’ve been reading, if you don’t do it their way your doing it the wrong way. Like breast feeding – I fully understand its super healthy for your child. But what if I don’t want to? What if I’m uncomfortable with it? Some people don’t like that answer. I’m apparently being selfish. Some mothers can’t nurse at all. How is that suppose to make them feel? Like failures!? What should be important is your child is feeding. If it’s not feeding than you worry.
I wasn’t breast fed. I don’t have any health issues. AT ALL. I never have. I was always a healthy kid. Mentally and physically. So don’t let people tell you anything different.
When I was in youth, I had a ton of women tell me all their scary birthing stories and all the troubles they went through. As a youth that scared the pants off of me. But what made it worse is that going into even my marriage it still haunted me. I didn’t want to go through that. I didn’t want to destroy my body for the sake of someone else. At the time sure it was good birth control, but it was birth control that lasted up till about 3 months ago when I decided I was going to take things into my own hands.
I rarely ever hear any good stories about parenting. All I ever got was moms complaining about how hard it was or how much their bodies were destroyed afterwards. I’m not naive, I understand my body is going to change. But its our decision to have kids, so don’t complain about it. Seriously for the longest time I didn’t want kids because I was always told they ruin your body.
The thing that has helped me the most is support. People asking me how I am doing and listening to me rather than trying to fix my problems. Giving me words of encouragement. I don’t need to hear random horror stories of all the things that went wrong in a friend of a friends pregnancy. Unless I specifically ask you questions – please don’t share.
I have no idea how this is going to go. I don’t know how my labour will be. I don’t know what to expect. But I’d rather walk in confident and ready to take it on with my understanding and my knowledge then afraid and panicked because someone wanted to scare me into understand their reality .
The more we put each other down the more we set each other up for failure.
We are all different women, who come from different families with different beliefs and different ways of doing things. It doesn’t mean that one persons way is wrong. Its just the best way that family knew how to parent. And it works for them.
I know lots of moms who’ve had 3 or more kids. The best advice I’ve ever been given (that I asked for) was, go with your gut. You know you, you know your child. Do what you feel is right.
So I’m going to.